As parents, we all want to raise children who are emotionally healthy, happy, successful in life and lucky in love. Indeed, there are a lot of different ways to raise kids, but, do we really have much control over our children's happiness? Kind of…. Even though there's not one formula that works for every kid, the first basic key to raising an emotionally healthy child is fostering a secure and warm connection with them.
Research has discovered that happy, optimistic children are the product of happy, optimistic homes, regardless of genetic makeup. They also found that having strong relationships with parents is vital for children’s growth and psychological well-being. Children who lack these relationships do worse in school, are more likely to get in trouble with the law and are more likely to have psychiatric problems.
According to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health conducted by Dr Edward Hallowell, MD, (child psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness)….. "connectedness"…. a feeling of being loved, understood, wanted and acknowledged is the biggest protector against emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, and risky behaviors. And, most important, being in communion with their parents is the key to happiness.
When children feel securely connected to us (the parents), they have a space to be everything they are and the energy to be the greatness of them. Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also more generative.
So, what can we do to create a home where our children's happiness will flourish? What can we do to create secure connection and communion with our children? In my view, creating a secure connection and communion with our children is simple: affection, nurturing, gratitude, no judgment.
What would you say if I told you that there is a truly universal tool that we can use to connect with our children and everyone around the world no matter what language they speak. All of us actually know this tool instinctually. Every child is born fully endowed with this universal gift, but we tend to disregard it. The irony is, even though we don't think we know this tool, we are actually accessing it all the time.
This truly universal tool is called ENERGY. Everything in life has an energy to it. Our thoughts, feelings, emotions and words have an energy to them. The most important thing to understand about energy is that it's a vibrational frequency. The energy we are projecting tells our children everything they need to know. When the parents are operating from the energy of affection, nurturing, gratitude and no judgment, the children can sense vibration of energy instantly. Children can sense even the most subtle changes in the energy and emotions of the parents and the people around them.
One of the most important things to remember is that our children, no matter how young they are, are constantly observing and reading our energy every moment of the day. Sure, we can say anything that pops into our mind, but our energy does not lie. For example, we can tell them that we love them, but if we aren't projecting the vibrational energy of love and affection, our children will sense the incongruence instantly. It isn’t enough that we tell our children we love them if we don't truly feel it and be the energy of that. It takes children only a few seconds to determine what kind of energy we are projecting.
So it is important that our words, our actions, and our energy are congruent with the energy of happiness, affection, nurturing, gratitude and no judgment. If we want to create a home where our children's happiness will flourish, we must always be aware of the energy we are projecting when we are interacting with our children. If we are stressed out and unhappy, our children will sense this and also feel sad and worried in response. The energy released by the interaction between parents and children will ripple right through the entire house.